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Are you a sympathetic person?
Of course you are. That’s why you’re interested in becoming a counsellor. You want to help people, and take away their pain. You instinctively want to solve their problems.
That’s natural. If you weren’t sympathetic to people, you probably wouldn’t make a good counsellor. But unless you’re careful, this sympathy can cause you to become personally involved in clients’ problems.
For some counsellors, being overly sympathetic can give out the wrong message to the client. It can create too strong a bond between client and therapist. That can lead to all kinds of problems, not the least of which is becoming emotionally attached to your client. And since clients are vulnerable, they can be drawn to their therapist in unhelpful ways.
For other counsellors, getting too close to clients’ problems every day can lead to depression or burn out.
You have to manage the scale of your compassion for your clients, so you can help other clients and not suffer compassion fatigue. So as a professional, you have to maintain a certain distance.
It’s like being a doctor. They see bad problems and sometimes have to give people a terrible diagnosis. Have you ever seen a doctor give someone bad news? When they announce the diagnosis, they’re kindly, but they keep part of themselves at a distance.
You, too, need to maintain a clear boundary between you and your client.
Maintaining boundaries
Think about how you will fix your boundaries. For example, you should set meeting times. You should not meet the client outside your agreed therapy sessions.
It’s unwise to hug a client, because as the therapist, you are in control of giving out hugs. The client can’t comfort the therapist, so hugging creates an unequal relationship. And if the client were to start hugging you, it could lead to a different relationship, one that you hadn’t intended or invited.
Consider too how you will end your sessions. Your goal is to make your client self-reliant, and no longer needing your help. It’s part of the sadness of being a counsellor – a successful outcome is when they don’t need us.
The Blackford Centre’s home-study counselling course discusses several ethical issues. It reveals ways to be professional in your dealings with clients.
